Moves and Departures

As only Murphy could write it, the day I fly out is the day we move house. But Murphy wasn't happy with just combining the two events, I'm allergic to dust - and there's plenty of that around! So after sneezing and sniffling my way through check-in, immigration and customs, and getting the occasional curled lip look from other travelers who probably thought I was bringing in the latest strain of exotic flu derived from a Bangkok farmyard, I finally got to sit in the Qantas Club enjoying what was most likely the last decent cappuccino for 2 weeks and as it was Qantas Club machine coffee you can see I haven't set my benchmark too high.

Eventually the 3rd and 4th Sudafed kicked in and dried up my runny nose just in time to enter the arctic freezer otherwise known as a 747 and be waited on by the plethora of Qantas flight attendants that reminded me more of a group of soccer moms frantically working the canteen at Saturday morning sport, only this time it was champagne and hot face towels instead of pies and sausage rolls.

Have you ever noticed sometimes when they give you a menu as soon as you board and you build great expectations about what you would like and choose what you'll have (at least in your head), then ... 2 hours later when the soccer moms are serving the food, and passengers are asked 'dukkah chicken with the pearl cous cous or pork loin with the fig and pancetta relish?' about 5 minutes into the meal, people will reach for the menu again to read again what they are supposed to be eating as if to say 'Really? That's chicken?'(Please note I was tempted to use the old 'I am a chicken, my wife is a vegetable' joke here but resisted). And Neil Perry went to so much trouble...honestly sometimes I think most people would prefer pies and sausage rolls....

But at last Qantas have realized its almost impossible to kill someone with a plastic butter knife (except for inflicting a nasty scratch which could get infected) and have relented and now give us stainless steel cutlery instead of the plastic we've been forced to use for the last 10 years. Mind you, I'm sure your average terrorist would probably come better prepared nowadays with ceramic knives or other high tech weapons that can evade the considerably upgraded screening process (i got the full body x-ray today. I asked could they check my prostate while they're looking- not amused). I'm guessing terrorist training camps no longer include sessions on 'how to seriously hurt someone with what you find on airline food trays'. Although I'm sure getting salt in your eye could sting...